Drinking For Two

stain

Fri, 16 May 2008 06:35:38 -0500

we have a stain resistant couch. i still haven't been able to figure out which stain.

granted

Fri, 16 May 2008 06:33:21 -0500

i like to use reverse psychology on people. no i don't.

arms

Thu, 15 May 2008 20:13:59 -0500

things could be worse. you could have no arms and be at a show when they give a standing ovation and the only thing you can do is bang your heels together.

flakes

Wed, 14 May 2008 19:43:23 -0500

i've heard a lot of people say 'oh he has bad dandruff'. i'm still waiting for the day to meet a person with good dandruff.

rodeo

Wed, 14 May 2008 19:41:36 -0500

sometimes it might happen that you get the idea to duct tape your child to the dog and pretend that you are at a rodeo. it doesn't mean that you are a bad person for having these types of thoughts but putting up signs advertising a baby rodeo apparently does.

park

Thu, 08 May 2008 18:37:28 -0500

all the kids in the park were running and screaming. it was fun to watch. then i saw the tiger.

the plan

Wed, 07 May 2008 20:12:44 -0500

i always thought it would be fun to go into a currency exchange shop with a dead squirrel and say 'i'd like to change this into canadian dollars'. sure some of the people might freak out but there's that odd chance that you'd get an inexperienced teller who wouldn't know how to spot a fake dead squirrel.

talking

Tue, 06 May 2008 20:53:40 -0500

this guy came up to me today and said 'who are you talking to' and i looked at him and realized that i was talking out loud to no one. the guy looked at me and rolled his eyes. it could have been worse. like the time i made love to a tree. boy did that party scatter fast.

yup

Tue, 06 May 2008 20:51:27 -0500

sometimes when i have a rock in my shoe i don't stop to take it out. i like to challenge myself by seeing how long i can keep it there. it's a mind over matter thing. ok extreme laziness.

asai

Sun, 04 May 2008 09:06:11 -0500

last night i did acid and decided to respond to all of my email marked 'please reply asai' as in 'as soon as impossible'.

city

Sun, 04 May 2008 07:57:19 -0500

i always wanted to live in a house on top of a hill. i think it would be nice to wake up watching the sun rise over the city and then throw stuff at people.

stuck

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 20:56:06 -0500

when my daughter was being born she sort of got stuck and they had to use the vacuum to pull her out. i can't be 100% certain but i'm pretty sure it's why she hates putting on sweaters.

walls

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 18:08:59 -0500

i think wallpaper made out of dead dogs would be an interesting conversation piece and by interesting i mean the type of wall that you just want to hug. it would be such a cozy room. i'm not sure what the insulating factor of a wall made of dogs is but i'm sure it's up there with moose cock.

parachute

Mon, 28 Apr 2008 18:04:59 -0500

i think it would be a good idea to let cows parachute and sometimes i think we could forget to put a parachute in the bag and then when the cow falls to the earth and dies we could eat it. i wouldn't feel to guilty about eating a cow that died in a parachute accident. forgetting to put the chute in the bag i might have a problem with but i would do that when i was drunk and that wouldn't count as a bad thing cause everyone knows that cow parachute preparers should never be allowed to drink. i would blame my boss. what an asshole.

photo

Sat, 26 Apr 2008 07:33:56 -0500

i had an autographed picture of david copperfield and it has vanished. i'm amazed.